Hey there, welcome to Week 5 of Your Healing Journey! Last week, we explored various aspects of trauma and started understanding the different defense responses our bodies have developed. This month, we’re diving into these trauma defense responses in more detail, starting with the fight response, which I like to call "The Protector."
I’m Monica Bergnes, a therapist based in New York City offering EMDR for trauma therapy. My goal is to provide you with practical tools and a friendly, down-to-earth approach to understanding and overcoming trauma. In this series, "You Make Sense: A Practical Guide to Understanding and Overcoming Trauma," we'll journey together through the complexities of trauma and healing.
Recognizing the Fight Response
The fight response, or "The Protector," prepares you to confront a threat directly. Signs of this response can include:
- Anger or aggression
- Irritability or frustration
- Feelings of wanting to fight or lash out
- Increased heart rate and muscle tension
The Role of Anger and Aggression
While anger and aggression are often seem as negative, even wrong and shameful, they are just natural protective mechanisms. They are your brain’s way of preparing you to defend yourself from perceived threats. Anger is often a difficult emotion for people because it’s commonly associated with destruction, violence, and fear. It’s a scary emotion, one you might not ever have allowed yourself to feel, but it’s also an essential one.
From a trauma perspective, anger serves a purpose. It’s an energy that arises to protect us. Of course, unchecked anger can hurt others or ourselves, and it can alienate us from our community. This is why it's crucial to have compassion for what our "fight" part is trying to do for us. When we approach our anger with understanding, we can manage it in a way that doesn’t harm our relationships or ourselves.
The angry, protective part of us wants to survive. Survival isn’t just about being alive; for humans, it’s also about being in relationships with others. We need others, and we can’t maintain community and relationships if we have an uncontrolled fight response.
According to Janina Fisher, a renowned trauma expert, recognizing and understanding these trauma defense responses as parts can help us see their value and integrate them into our overall well-being. Fisher's Strength of All Parts (SOAP) framework emphasizes that every part of us, including those formed in response to trauma, possesses unique strengths. By recognizing and embracing these parts, we can start to see them as valuable contributors to our overall well-being.
Making Sense of the Fight Response
The fight response is an adaptive reaction that makes sense in the context of survival. When faced with danger, the body’s instinct to fight can be a crucial survival mechanism. Understanding this can help you see your anger and aggression in a new light.
Befriending the Protector
It's essential to approach all parts of yourself, including The Protector, with self-compassion. Recognizing the strength in each part and extending compassion to them is key to befriending them. This approach can ease tension and help these parts become less reactive and triggered.
We don’t want to get rid of these parts, as they play critical roles in moments of real threat. You need a fight response, just as you need the other defense responses. The goal is to help these parts discern real threats from triggers, allowing them to be responsive when genuinely needed.
Strategies for Managing the Fight Response
1. Identify Triggers:
- Recognize situations or people that trigger your fight response. Keep a journal to track these triggers. Understanding what sets off your anger can help you anticipate and manage your reactions.
2. Practice Self-Compassion for your Fight Response:
- When you are angry and you say to yourself, “stop being angry, you shouldn’t be angry” you will only feel more angry. Instead try saying to yourself, “It makes sense that I’m angry,” and notice how your body relaxes. You don’t have to act out your fight response, and most times it is probably better if you don’t, but your fight response always deserves your compassion.
3. Practice Deep Breathing:
- Use deep breathing techniques to calm your body and mind when you feel the fight response kicking in. Deep, slow breaths can help activate your parasympathetic nervous system, promoting relaxation.
4. Channel Your Energy:
- Engage in physical activities like exercise or dance to channel your aggressive energy in a healthy way. Physical activity can be a great outlet for releasing built-up tension and frustration.
5. Seek Professional Help:
- Consider therapy to explore underlying causes of anger and learn additional coping strategies. A therapist can provide a safe space to work through intense emotions and develop healthier responses.
Reflection Questions
1. What situations or people commonly trigger your fight response? Reflect on specific instances and consider keeping a journal to track these triggers.
2. How do you typically react when you feel the fight response? Notice any physical, emotional, or behavioral signs.
3. What strategies have you found helpful in managing your fight response? Think about techniques like deep breathing, physical activity, or seeking support.
Work with Me
If you're finding it difficult to manage your anger and aggressive responses, I can help. As a trauma therapist specializing in EMDR, I work with clients to understand and manage their triggers effectively. Together, we can develop strategies to help you channel your energy in healthy ways and reduce the impact of triggers. Contact me to schedule a session and start working towards a more balanced and peaceful life.
What’s Next?
Next week, we’ll explore "The Escape Artist" the flight response. Understanding this response will provide further insight into your behaviors and reactions.
Thank you for being here and for taking this important step. Remember, healing is a journey, and you know the way. Trust yourself.
Warmly,
Monica
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Disclaimer: The information provided in this newsletter is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions regarding your mental health. Reading this newsletter does not establish a therapeutic relationship.
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