Welcome! I’m so glad you're here. Whether you're just starting to explore your trauma or have been on this journey for a while, this space is your safe and supportive guide.
I’m Monica Bergnes, a trauma therapist living in New York City. My goal is to provide you with practical tools and a friendly, down-to-earth approach to understanding and overcoming trauma. In this eight-month series, we’ll journey together through the complexities of trauma and healing.
Trauma is a complex and deeply personal experience, but understanding it doesn't have to be overwhelming. My goal is to demystify trauma and provide you with insights and information to help you. Here, we will explore what trauma is, how it affects the brain and body, and most importantly, how to navigate your healing journey. Spoiler alert – you already know the way!
In my practice, my favorite tool for helping people heal from trauma is EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). I love how it can quickly reduce distress and process trauma, allowing my clients to feel better, get unstuck, and live the lives they’re meant to have. Because this is my favorite tool, I will focus on it in this blog, but I think it is important to emphasize from the start that there are many ways to heal. Bessel van der Kolk wrote, “If someone tells you there is only one solution to all your problems and they have it, they are more like a pedagogue than a healer—keep looking.” What I share in this blog is what I’ve found effective, but if it doesn’t click with you, I encourage you to keep searching for what does.
Why We Need to Talk About Trauma and Why We Don’t Need to Talk About Trauma
Why We Need to Talk About Trauma
Over the coming weeks, we'll discuss the basics of trauma, its impact on the brain and body, and the importance of validating your experiences. Before we dive in, we first need to talk about talking about trauma and the reasons why it is not always safe and not always necessary for healing.
One of the best reasons to talk about trauma is to break the stigma on topics that may feel shameful or taboo. Talking openly about trauma can be incredibly beneficial in reducing shame surrounding mental health issues. When we share our experiences, we foster a sense of community and understanding. So many trauma survivors experience isolation and alienation, and having a safe space to feel heard and understood can be an important part of healing and recovery.
Talking about trauma increases public awareness and understanding of its impacts. This can lead to better support systems and resources for survivors. Education about trauma can also inform people about the signs and symptoms, helping to identify those in need and provide support and resources. Reducing the stigma associated with trauma can encourage individuals to seek help without fear of judgment. When people see that others have successfully sought and received help, it can motivate them to do the same.
Why We Don’t Need to Talk About Trauma
While talking about trauma can be a positive thing, it’s important to remember that because of the way the brain and nervous system respond to trauma, a traumatized brain cannot immediately tell the difference between danger and a reminder of a past danger. A perceived threat is as threatening as an actual threat to our bodies, so even reading about traumatic experiences can send our nervous system into a trauma defense response.
Contrary to popular belief, simply talking about traumatic experiences (catharsis) is not always helpful and can actually be harmful. Trauma is not about the event itself but about how your mind and body respond to it. So, it’s not particularly useful and can actually be harmful for trauma survivors to be exposed to trauma stories before they are ready. Reliving trauma through detailed recounting can re-traumatize individuals, exacerbating their symptoms rather than alleviating them.
Pat Ogden, the creator of Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, emphasizes that "the storyteller is more important than the story." This means that your emotional and physiological responses matter more than the specific details of what happened. Effective trauma therapy focuses on the survivor's current experiences and reactions rather than the traumatic events themselves. Trauma therapies like EMDR don’t rely on catharsis or narrative talk therapy and have actually been shown to be more effective in treating PTSD and other post-traumatic stress disorders.
Staying Safe While Reading This Guide
In the coming weeks and months, I intend to make this a safe place for you to learn about trauma. I will avoid graphic descriptions of traumatic experiences, offer trigger and skip warnings when I think it could be helpful, and always strive to write in a way that focuses on healing, resilience, and your safety. I invite readers to comment or reach out to me if you have any other ideas about how I can make this a safe experience for everybody.
You Make Sense and You Know the Way
There are two key messages I always try to convey to my clients and that I want to emphasize here: first, that you make sense. Even though you might want to change and you feel frustrated with yourself that you haven’t yet been able to change certain reactions or behaviors—I want you to know that those reactions and behaviors are completely understandable within a trauma framework. As I have said, our bodies and brains don’t always know the difference between experiencing a threat and being reminded of a threat. So, when you react in a way that seems irrational, it’s actually a highly rational response for your brain. Survival is everything.
Second, and encouragingly, your body already knows the way to heal from your trauma. Francine Shapiro, who developed the Adaptive Information Processing (AIP) model and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, promotes the idea that our brains are naturally wired to process and integrate experiences in a way that promotes mental health and well-being.
Think of the brain as having a built-in mental health repair system, similar to how the body heals physical wounds. This system helps us process daily experiences and emotions, integrating them into our memory in a healthy way. When things go well, we learn and grow from these experiences.
However, when we experience traumatic or extremely distressing events, this natural processing system can get overwhelmed and "stuck." Like a wound that doesn't heal properly will lead to an infection; unprocessed traumatic memories can remain trapped in the brain, causing emotional and psychological distress. The good news is that the brain wants to heal and return to a state of balance. Just as the infection only needs the right kind of care and time to allow the body’s healing processes to work; so can the brain, with the right care and treatment, integrate unprocessed memories properly, reducing their emotional charge and allowing us to move forward.
Compassion for Yourself
It’s so important to find compassion for the way your body and brain react when you are under perceived threat. These reactions, while seemingly irrational now, once kept you safe. Trauma therapy is all about finding ways to be more flexible in your responses to threats and improving your ability to notice when you are triggered. This helps you bring yourself back to a more regulated nervous system. The ultimate goal is flexibility in your reactions—we need to be able to respond to actual threats with our trauma defense responses, but we also need to know how to discern real threat from reminders and be able to get ourselves back to a regulated state after being triggered.
Your Healing Journey
Healing from trauma is a journey, and it’s okay to move at your own pace. There will be ups and downs, but with the right knowledge, support, and tools, you can heal and feel better. This blog is here to support you with practical advice and compassionate understanding.
Reflection Questions:
1. Identify Your Comfort Level:
- Reflect on how you feel when you read, watch, or listen to descriptions of traumatic and distressing experiences. How does your body respond? What emotions come up? What thoughts does it lead you to? How easily can you move on with your day after being exposed to those words, sounds, or images?
2. Identify Your Boundaries:
- Are there certain things you already avoid reading or watching or engaging with to keep yourself feeling safe? Is there anything you would like to put on your personal “skip list”? Remember these triggers don’t have to be avoided forever, as you heal and recover, you may or may not choose to take things off the skip list, but give yourself permission now to do what feels right for you.
3. Identify Your Needs:
- When you do engage in trauma and recovery-related material like this blog, what might you need to make the experience feel most safe and comfortable? Do you want to read it at a certain time of day or night? Would you like to drink something hot or cold while reading? Do you prefer to read in silence, or do you like some music playing or white noise? How would it be to read this at home or on your commute or at a cafe or on a bench? Think through what might make your reading experience feel safest.
What to Expect from This Blog
Over the next 8 months, we will explore various aspects of trauma and recovery. Each week, you will find posts that provide insights, practical exercises, and encouragement to help you on your healing journey. Here’s a brief overview of what you can expect:
1. Understanding Trauma:
- We will start by defining trauma, discussing its types, and explaining how it affects the brain and body.
2. Exploring Trauma Responses:
- We’ll delve into the different trauma responses such as fight, flight, freeze, submit, and attach/cry, and provide strategies for managing these responses.
3. Building Resilience and Self-Compassion:
- Learn how to cultivate resilience and practice self-compassion as essential components of healing.
4. Integrative Healing Approaches:
- Discover various therapeutic techniques, mindfulness practices, and body-based tools that can aid in your recovery.
5. Creative Expression and Support Systems:
- Explore the role of creativity in making sense of your trauma and the importance of building a supportive network.
6. Long-Term Healing and Self-Care:
- I will provide strategies for maintaining your mental health and continuing your healing journey over the long term.
What’s Next?
Next week, we’ll dive deeper into the science behind trauma and its effects. This will provide further insight into why you react the way you do and how you can start managing these reactions effectively.
Work with Me
If you live in New York, New Jersey or Connecticut, and you’re looking for more personalized support and want to explore EMDR intensives, I’d love to help you on your healing journey. EMDR intensives are a powerful way to address trauma more quickly and deeply than traditional weekly therapy sessions. They offer a focused and immersive approach that can help you make significant progress in a shorter amount of time.
If you're interested in learning more about how EMDR intensives can benefit you, please visit my website https://www.monicabergnestherapy.com or contact me directly at Monica@monicabergnestherapy.com. Let's work together to help you get unstuck and start living the life you’re meant to have.
Thank you for being here and for taking this important step. Remember, healing is a journey, and you know the way. Trust yourself.
Warmly,
Monica
Disclaimer: The information provided in this newsletter is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions regarding your mental health. Reading this newsletter does not establish a therapeutic relationship.
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